Fidelity? Honesty? Affection? Good sex? Yes. And so much more.

(Twenty fives years ago today I wore this dress and walked down the aisle to begin a covenant relationship with Christopher.)

(Shown with our flag bearers: Daniel and Annika Greco, David Bass, Thea and Elise Szatkowski, and Peter Bass.)

Having a successful marriage has been one of the most difficult—and wonderful—endeavors I’ve ever embarked upon. I never thought I could feel so angry, so discouraged, or so flummoxed. I also never knew I could feel such joy, such hope, and such contentment in the context of loving another human being.

(Our first Christmas in our drafty, newlywed apartment.)

Christopher and I are two strong-willed individuals. We have had to learn how to listen, how to back down, how to apologize, and how to care more about the relationship being right than about being right ourselves. (Hat tip Danny Tao!)

(Year seven. Anthony age 5, GianCarlo age 3 and Matthew on the way.)

In the course of figuring out how to live together and love each other, we discovered two non-negotiables: a commitment to forgive and a commitment to grow. Our marriage would not be successful (Heck! It might not even still exist!) if we did not hold to these practices.

(At the wedding of dear friends. We marvel at how young and vibrant we both look. Year 14.)

We have had to forgive each other in excess of 7X70 because we are stubborn and slow to change. But also because true and lasting transformation takes time. Much more time than either of us care to admit.

(Ten years ago. Anthony was in 8th grade, Gian in 6th, and Matt 2nd.)

We both still struggle to truly trust each other. We still cave in to fear and anxiety and too often opt for efficiency over tenderness.

(Easter. Year 20.)

But we have changed. Profoundly. I can now admit it when I’m angry and Christopher can listen without trumping my anger with his defensiveness. I am able to let him to grill without too much micro-managing and he can now expertly set mouse traps.

(Officiating our son’s wedding in August of 2014)

Why do we have a successful marriage? Because we have continued to say yes to each other. Because we believe the best about each other and encourage one another into the fullness of our calling. We have become vocal cheerleaders for one another and devoted friends. We speak the truth in grace and forgive every offense. We have not learned how to do any of these things overnight—it’s taken us twenty-five years to get here.

I have no idea what the next twenty-five years will bring. But tonight, and all summer as we celebrate this accomplishment, I feel deeply grateful for this man, for this marriage, and for this family. To God be the glory.

(This is the beginning of many thoughts I will be sharing with you on marriage. My first book, Making Marriage Beautiful, will be published by David C. Cook in January of 2017.)