In which sleep again evades me because I cannot stop thinking about what’s happening in Liberia.

Normally, media scare tactics fail to pull me in. Try as I might, I cannot ignore what’s going on in Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Guinea. Last night, after hearing about quarantines and sealed the borders, I simply could not let go. I laid in bed with tears streaming down my face, pleading with the Lord to spare these people, to stop this plague, to bring his kingdom to earth.

I prayed until I ran out of things to pray and then, after a brief respite, I repeated myself simply because I did not feel done. Author Jen Michel writes in Teach Us to Want, “Whatever prayer is, it is real participation with God.” (More on this phenomenal book later.) Though last night felt real, there have definitely been seasons in my life when I have wondered if prayer is simply me talking to myself. What is faith and what is delusion?

I cannot know for certain if my earnest prayers made any difference in the early hours of this day. I do know that it made me feel less impotent as well as more connected to our friends in Liberia. After I prayed for God to intervene in Africa, I began lifting up my requests for the wedding. For the out of town family to arrive safely. For all of us to remain healthy. And yes, even for the sky to hold back the rain. I felt somewhat self-conscious petitioning God for such non-essentials. There’s a nagging sense that any and every prayer should be reserved for those life and death situations—like Liberia. Or the return of the Nigerian girls. Or peace in Gaza.

By choosing to pray, I risk disappointment. If the Ebola virus continues to spread, I risk having to pass thorough the deep quicksand of doubt. But my doubt does not diminish God and because the only real option to this risk seems to be apathy—which is not where I want to land—I prayed anyway.

I ended my night by reciting the Lord’s prayer.

Our Father who is in heaven
Holy is your name.
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
Now and forever.
Amen.

And I meant it.