Within the first twenty pages of Aubrey Sampson’s new book, Overcomer, the tears started flowing. I’ve done a lot of work over the past two decades to dismantle my own shame. For the first thirty years of my life, I felt ashamed for some of the foolish choices I had made but also because of my pervasive sense of inadequacy. I went through my days feeling that the standard was forever out of my reach no matter how competent I was.
Brené Brown writes in I Thought It Was Just Me, “Shame often produces overwhelming and painful feelings of confusion, fear, anger, judgment, and/or the need to escape or hide from the situation.” Though healthy shame can reorient us back to God, unhealthy shame separates us from God, others, and even ourselves.
Shame sticks to us in part because it whispers, “Don’t tell anyone how you feel. If they knew this about you, they would reject you.” So we swallow the shame and it grows like a cancer in the dark places. The way we find freedom from shame is by acknowledging it and talking about it with trusted others. That’s why I started crying as I read Aubrey’s book.
Aubrey is a beautiful young mom who was sexually assaulted on the back of a school bus during middle school. When she was a young adult, she was again victimized by her boss. Rather than obeying the voice of shame and becoming smaller, Aubrey decided she’d had enough.
Overcomer: Breaking Down the Walls of Shame and Rebuilding Your Soul is her story of finding freedom. By vulnerably sharing her experiences, she helps readers understand how shame wraps itself around us and conceals our true God-given identity. After we have learned to recognize shame, we must stop agreeing with its toxic message and start believing in God’s passionate love for us.
This is no easy task and is better done in the context of a supportive community. Aubrey writes in chapter five:
When Jesus turned water into wine, it wasn’t just a strategic miracle to jump-start his public ministry. It was a sign of the day his body and blood would become the bread and wine of salvation, swallowing up death, removing the disgrace of his people, and transforming all things forever, including our shame. . . . Jesus performed his miracle in the context of a community event, a wedding party no less. He didn’t take the bride and groom behind the DJ booth and pour them a lone glass of wine; He poured his overcoming shame blessing all over the entire wedding party. . . . Jesus removes shame in community.
If you struggle with shame and like Brené Brown’s work, I encourage you to sit down with Overcomer. Toward the end of her book, Sampson writes, “The Son of God does not invite his followers into a life of platitudes. No, instead He changes our paradigm. He renews all things, including us.”
I will be giving away one copy of Overcomer. You can enter to win by adding your thoughts in the comment section below or subscribing to my site.
Read an excerpt from the book at Ann Voskamp’s site.
Order though Amazon or your local bookstore.
Find more of Aubrey’s work on her site.
To read another article on shame, click here.
Not sure my comment went through since I am on my phone… Wow – shame.. So insidious and can be so subtle to erode away our confidence and identity of who we are in Christ. . And a book that had you in tears after all the work and progress you’ve made? Must be a good one then! I am amazed at how much that voice of shame in me tries to discourage and hinder me with the “I’m not good enough” – and if I make a mistake or an error in judgment.. Watch out! Shame is ready to pounce!
The shame machine has been running on full speed lately, I hope this will throw a wrench in the gears! Tx for sharing, I look forward to reading.
Shannon, You won the book! Please email me with your address and I’ll ship it out to you. Congrats.
I love the idea of “dismantling” shame. It’s also so helpful to know that many of us struggle or have struggled with the paralytic effects of shame. Time to go to war!
The last time I won a free giveaway book, it never arrived … which I think is funny, since I usually don’t get picked as a winner in the first place. 🙂 No matter. I’m just happy that books of this kind are being written and published — that’s what really counts. May God be praised!
I hate to ask but was it from my site?
Thank you for sharing this book with us, Dorothy! It sounds powerful and full of grace; I look forward to reading it along with Brene Brown’s latest! Thank you again!
Brown’s latest is on my to read list too! Hope you are well.
Some of the.most profound words I have heard in my life continue to remind me of the unconditional nature of God’s healing; fear drives, love leads. I appreciate you posting this review Dorothy and look forward to reading this. Sounds like a good women’s group read as well.
Hope you are well.
I like that! Thanks Victoria. And yes, this would be a great book to use for a woman’s small group.
Greta review, Dorothy! This is definitely a book I’ll pick up! Looks like something I can use with clients, too!
I agree! It’s one of those book I could easily hand out! Thanks for stopping by.
Dorothy,
At times it feels that if the tears begin they will flood the world. I look forward to reading this book.
Hope all is well
Mary
Hi Mary. It’s definitely worth a read. She’s both vulnerable and insightful.
Thank you for your continued honesty and vulnerability. Shame definitely has been a vice-grip on my soul, though breaking out into the honest places (aka-risking rejection) is the only way to freedom, I think. Where can we buy her book? It sounds like stuff I find myself dealing with…and might be a good resource.
Hey. The link for Amazon is at the bottom of the post. But maybe you should wait to see if you win it first?