NWvaca_Aug2010_0024_©DGreco

   Writing can be a vulnerable profession. We sit alone ordering our thoughts and working to make sense of an increasingly insane world. When we feel done enough, we hit publish, allowing the world to peek into our souls. It’s humbling. It’s terrifying. And it’s not for the faint of heart.

    In the midst of our solitary writing, we make furtive forays out of our caves into the real world. To put flesh on the words. To make sure we have integrity.  (And to gather fodder for future ideas.) Yesterday, I left the security of my little office to take part in an interview with a west coast radio personality who shall go unnamed. His assistant communicated to me that he appreciated my recent blog (Sports Illustrated and the Cultivation of Misguided Desire) and wanted to interview me on how we raised our sons to honor women. I asked for a through line and for the specific questions he would ask.

    After five minutes of politely inquiring about the hows and whys, it took a strange twist.

Radio host: I’ve noticed that the primary cause of boys hating women starts in the home. Most boys hate their mothers because their mothers have so dominated and controlled them. She imposes her will on them, on their innocence and the father is not able to stop the mother from doing this because he’s been destroyed by his own mother.

    Hmmm. Those of you who know how I lead small groups might anticipate that my comeback was, “Would you like to talk about your relationship with your mother Mr. Radio host?” but since it was his show, I simply disagreed with his conclusion that the root of all misogyny could be traced back to bad mothering. (How convenient that would be for the men.)

    After a short commercial break during which I frantically typed an SOS to my writing community asking for prayer, he came back with an even more surprising question.

Radio host: Why did your husband let you do this?
 
    I paused, ever aware that pausing on live radio is a no no. The question seemed so ridiculous that I asked him to repeat it. When I understood what he was going after, I responded that my husband and I were partners in raising our sons and because he is from a Mediterranean background, he has witnessed first hand the devastating impact of misogyny.  After all, it was the Greeks who coined the word, apparently needing a pithy way to describe their practice of putting unwanted baby girls out on their front steps to die.
    
    His next comment nearly took my breath away. This is verbatim:

Radio host: Well, I hear that you mean well but I guarantee you that unless your boys change, they’re gonna be wimpy men. They’re gonna go thru hell because women hate weak men. Because these boys have not been taught how to deal with women properly they’re gonna be in bad relationships. They’re gonna suffer.

    I wondered if I should I counter his insanity with, “So you’re saying that Jesus was a wimp? Because He seemed to love and honor women.” Or, should I sweetly say, “Oh, sorry. I feel a compelling need to floss my teeth. Thanks for having me. Bye. Bye.” Perhaps in retrospect, that would have been the choice of wisdom. Instead, I contended. For my sons. For women everywhere who have been the victims of misogyny.
    
   With my voice shaking in anger, I responded:

Me: Wait a minute. You’re saying that because we’ve taught our sons to value and respect women that they are going to be wimpy? I don’t understand that logic.

Radio host: There’s no such thing as teaching them to value women. Women are going to see your sons as weak, I guarantee.

Me, in a much louder voice and actually talking over him: No! I am sorry. That feels like a curse and I am not going to accept that. Women are not going to see my sons as weak. My husband is a strong man and he…

Radio host, interrupting me: No, not if he allowed this to happen. He’s not strong.

Me: I completely disagree with you.

It descended (fast and furious) from this point. Perhaps the worst moment was when he accused me of upsetting God’s created order simply because we had taught our sons that women and men are equal. I guess I missed that Bible study.

    I’ve spoken on misogyny before. Every time, it’s a lightning rod for folks who are misogynists. In this situation, in case it’s not blatantly obvious, the radio host himself was giving a rather convincing portrayal of one. I don’t know this man, but here’s my guess. He has a gaping mother wound which he has not dealt with and harbors some deep unforgiveness toward his mother or other maternal figures. This wound has festered and the infection has a name: misogyny–the hatred of women.

    Misogyny is rampant in the world today. Pornography? Yup. (And yes, that includes Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.) Prostitution and sex trade? Misogyny. The male coach who makes an derogatory comment about the opposing team’s female coach? Check. Religious institutions which use 1 Corinthians 11 as proof that men are to dominate and rule over women (that came up later in the interview)? Yes. That’s misogyny too.

    Misogyny is not just some bizarre practice which existed in ancient cultures. Like the Balrog Durin Bane in Lord of the Rings, it is a powerful spiritual force which seeks to dishonor and destroy women–and the feminine component of God. (If men and women are created in God’s image, there has to be a feminine component to God.)

    The Garden of Eden, pre-fall, offers us a snapshot of God’s intentions. Man and woman lived without covering and without fear. There was no shame and no need to dominate because they understood equality. They both reflected the truth and beauty of who God created them to be. By teaching our sons to value women, we were not creating wimps; we were helping them follow the barely visible trail back to the Garden. My hope and prayer is that they will continue along this path, becoming increasingly strong, godly men who value and uphold women all the days of their lives.

PS: I hesitated writing this post. I certainly don’t want to foment hatred or cause deeper divisions. It felt worth the risk because so many have become blind to the reality that misogyny exists. Next time you interact with our sons, see if you don’t agree with the choices we’ve made. And pray for Mr. Radio man and his many followers. He’s surely missing out on the blessing that women bring. (If you are a female writer or speaker, send me an email so I can share his name with you. I would not want any of you to go through the wringer with this man.)

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