When we walk resolutely down the aisle and proclaim I Do! before friends and family members, none of us have any idea what we are agreeing to. If we did, there might be a longer pause before the officiant’s question and our response.
Only one thing is certain: marriage will change us. It’s up to us what that change looks like. Will we become increasingly sympathetic, brave, and patient? Or will slide downhill toward embitterment, cowardice, and impatience?
Change happens when we face our limitations and sin patterns with our eyes wide open. Change happens when we’re malleable—but not when we’re defensive or entrenched. Change happens slowly, so slowly that at times it’s imperceptible.
Though I realize that this may not true for everyone, Jesus provides the impetus and the inspiration for me to change. Apart from my love for and devotion to Him, I don’t think I would choose to change. Being selfish is far easier than being selfless. Being melancholy is far less work than being joyful. If I’m completely honest, sacrificing my desires so that I can bless my husband sometimes takes every ounce of spirituality.
So why bother? Because when we become more like Christ, we become better lovers. We care more deeply, love more fully, and serve more willingly. All without keeping score or demanding reciprocal treatment.
I am not the same person I was when I committed my life to Christopher twenty-five years ago. I now express my feelings, even anger, in real time versus being on a two-day time delay. I find it easier to sacrifice my agendas in order to serve him and our three sons. I don’t hide when things are hard. I trust him—with my body, my dreams, and my failures.
As I wrote in Making Marriage Beautiful,
The process of being fundamentally changed and allowing Christ to be formed in us should influence the nature of who we are and then benefit everyone of our relationships, first and foremost our marriages.”
I hope this new book inspires and encourages you to become increasingly malleable and engage in the hard, but satisfying work of change. Drop me a line and let me know how it’s going.
Blessings.
For the month of December, anyone who shares this post on social media or subscribes to my site will be entered in a drawing to win an autographed copy of the book and a special gift. (Make sure you tag me in your shares!)
Making Marriage Beautiful is available for pre-order on Amazon or CBD.
