It would be easy to categorize Mary DeMuth’s new book, Not Marked as an offering to victims of sexual abuse–but it’s so much more. Not Marked details what happens when men abuse the creative power God has given them and how Jesus steps in to redeem us. It’s a universal story and one that men and women across the globe can relate to.

Sexual abuse is not part of my history. However, because of the pastoral work I’ve done for the past 20 years, I have listened to many heart-breaking stories from women and men who have been abused and suffered from the long term consequences of these violations. Too many women and men suffer in silent shame. And far too often, the church has been passive in helping these abused ones reclaim their birthright. Thankfully, DeMuth steps into this gap with her courageous book.

This offering is not for the faint of heart. Though DeMuth does not go into great detail about the sexual abuse that happened to her as a five year old, the horror of what those boys did to her cannot be escaped while reading. Nor should it be, which is why those who have not been abused ought to read this book too. The text forces us to realize–at least on a microscopic level–the daily hell that abuse victims live with.  

DeMuth’s choice to vulnerably disclose not only what happened to her but how it has affected her for the past forty plus years is more than remarkable; the book is like an oxygen mask which she offers to those who have been near death from asphyxiation. Again and again, she humbly grants us permission to peer into her world, her marriage, her family. And she does not skim the surface but bravely plumbs the depths. Regarding her wedding night, DeMuth writes:

“When I truly felt alive and joyful in the act of marriage, I had this sinking feeling. If I liked sex, I was in a strange way legitimatizing the abuse. Enjoying it now meant that I had enjoyed it back then. I now know that what I felt was warped, but it’s been my battle ever since.”

DeMuth also makes it clear that when we come to Jesus with our wounds, it’s not an under the blood, over the river, and through the woods experience that may Christians would lead us to believe. She writes, “Healing is layers. Healing is time. Healing is excruciating…. There is no passive healing. If you want healing, you have to pursue it.” And she has. While DeMuth admits that she has not completed this journey, her life bears clear evidence to the power of the gospel in bringing hope and healing to anyone willing to cry out for help and then engage in the long-term work of healing. Again, it’s not just the victims of sexual abuse who need to be saved–we all do.

DeMuth’s husband Patrick offers his own perspective at the end of each chapter as a spouse as well as one who also suffered abuse. She includes references, a guide to protect your children from sexual abuse, and numerous prayers for those who are seeking to clean off the marks of abuse.

When asked what her hope is for this book, DeMuth responded, “My greatest hope is that sexual abuse victims will NO longer feel alone and isolated in their grief and trauma; that they will find concrete ways to begin the healing journey.” She exceeds her own expectations because Not Marked exudes hope and also testifies that Jesus heals our wounds–all of them.

Available from Amazon

Mary’s site