As the calendar year ends, many of us begin to entertain hopes and dreams for 2017. (It has to be better than 2016 doesn’t it??) Our goals might include paying off student loans, fixing the deck, joining a local gym, or enrolling in grad school. Sometimes, we even include a few marriage goals such as spending more time together or fighting less. This is prudent! However, after twenty five years of marriage, I can assure you that if you want to create a strong and healthy marriage, you’re going to have to do more than make a few New Year’s resolutions. Having a solid, fulfilling marriage requires the same kind of intentionality and specificity that is required to get our bodies and our bank accounts in better shape.
While any season is the perfect time to proactively work on your marriage, I would encourage all married couples to consider creating a state of the marriage address in the coming weeks. The President of the United States gives the State of the Union Address the second week of January. In it, he (and someday hopefully she!) reflects on the country’s achievements and pressing issues. We would all be wise to follow suit.
It’s far too easy to go through our days on auto-pilot, allowing the urgent needs to dictate how we spend our time. This only gets us so far.
A GPS, one form of an auto-pilot, can give accurate directions when it knows the specific starting point—where we are in time and space—and the specific destination. Before I drive someplace unfamiliar, I try to open Google Maps and review the route. I’ve had one too many experiences losing my signal at a crucial fork in the road. A few weeks ago, I forgot my protocol and simply configured the device en route, while waiting for a red light to change. Somehow, inexplicably, it programmed the longest and most circuitous route possible. What should have taken thirty minutes took almost an hour. I wanted to blame technology but I knew it was my fault. I did not take the time to figure out the best way to get to my desired destination.
Just as we need to plan out our car trips, we need to proactively plan the kind of marriage we want to create. It’s helped my husband and me to ask questions such as: What do we want our marriage to look like when we hit our tenth anniversary? What kind of spouse do I want to be? Where am I underdeveloped and how could I develop those character traits?
Truth be told, it might be easier to fix the deck or lose ten pounds than it is to address character issues. (Though at this point in my life, losing ten pounds feels just as difficult as becoming less selfish.) I do know that I won’t get thinner or become less selfish unless I admit my need to change and then doggedly pursue transformation.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to encourage you to read Making Marriage Beautiful.
In it, my husband and I vulnerably discuss areas of our marriage that have needed to change and how we’ve leaned into God to make those changes happen. Each chapter includes an interview with one of eight diverse couples. The book is honest, funny, grounded in Scripture, and incredibly hopeful.
I’ll be giving away signed copies of the book and other prizes for anyone who subscribes to my site or shares this post on social media. (Remember to tag me in the share!)
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the book. Happy New Year!
Amazon and CBD links to buy Making Marriage Beautiful.
YouTube book trailer for Making Marriage Beautiful.