In which we perspired profusely, shed many tears, ignored Bacchus, and gained a daughter-in-law.

Several weeks ago when I first posted on Facebook that my husband and I would be officiating the wedding ceremony for our eldest son, one friend asked, “How are you going to marry off your own son?” (She was not asking about logistics.) I now know how to respond: by being intentional and prayerful and asking for lots of help.

Being Intentional
Not long after Anthony proposed to Kate and we settled on having the reception at our house, I started planting flower seeds in tiny pots. I imagined our guests walking up the driveway past lush, robust annuals, oohing and aahing with each step. (Despite my best efforts, many seeds never sprouted. Others poked through the soil but wilted soon after. A few, and I do mean a few, matured and actually blossomed in time for the festivities.)

Christopher and I bring this kind of intentionality to most everything we do. Perhaps it’s our blue collar background; we know nothing is going to be handed to us on a platter—silver or otherwise. Maybe it’s our deeply rooted faith that inspires us to reach high. When our boys were young, we quickly came to the realization that we did not have a clue what it meant to parent well. In typical fashion, we began reading, asking other more experienced mothers and fathers to share their wisdom, and generally taking it on as a full-time assignment in which quitting was not an option.

We knew the kind of children we wanted—hoped—to raise. Gradually, we began to gain vision for how that might happen. We planted lot of seeds—deliberately and regularly. Five-year-old Anthony’s refusal to back off when a little girl said “no” on the playground, became an opportunity to teach him to respect a woman’s no. The first time. We sculpted their media intake hoping to preserve their innocence and raise the relational bar. We practiced consequential parenting and generally expected a great deal of them.

Many of our choices were counter-cultural (i.e. homeschooling) and rarely supported. Very few individuals really understood what we were doing or why we were doing it. Until yesterday. And then, it was as if a collective light bulb went off. Listening to our son’s vows and his hearty affirmations for the life-style choices my husband and I have made, it all made sense. From our perspective, it was worth every sacrifice, risk, and raised eyebrow along the way.

Being Prayerful
In the midst of the wedding charge to Anthony and Kate, we read a passage from Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” There were many things we could have been (and at moments were) anxious about: the weather, the Bacchus statue (long story), the diminishing bank account, the possibility of the flower girls taking a dunk in the lily pond. By admonishing us to take such thoughts captive, the apostle Paul wasn’t telling us to detach, dissociate, or pretend—this letter was written from prison after all. He was acknowledging that in the of face stressful and difficult situations, we have an option other than worrying. Generally, prayer has a better payoff. (Was it a coincidence that we had no rain? See my earlier post.)

Asking for Lots of Help
DIY translates to calling in lots of favors. I had help with everything from picking up the flowers, to installing a new low-water loo, to weeding our neglected garden, to washing dishes long after most folks were home with their shoes kicked off.

Pre-health crisis (thirteen years ago), I lived under the faulty assumption that adults didn’t need help—or if they did, it implied some sort of unspeakable character flaw or moral weakness. I am so glad I know better now.

Asking for help benefits everyone. Those asked have the opportunity to offer of themselves, to be known in a new way, and to deepen the relationship. Those doing the asking have the opportunity to admit their limitations and learn to trust others. (Just ask me how hard it was not to micro-manage the photographer yesterday!) Christopher, Anthony, Kaitlin and I all know this event would not have gone off so seamlessly had it not been for the many individuals who offered us their expertise, time, and energy during the past few weeks. (See full list below!)

The rental crew collapsed the tent this morning. It went down much more quickly than it went up. What remained were deep, regular holes throughout the yard. These felt like symbolic reminders of the empty spaces that will now exist in the Greco and Henriksen homes. Go with God, Kate and Anthony. You have our full blessings.

Wedding Highlights:
Anthony’s thank you speech to me and Christopher.
Feeding ninety individuals and only having two bags of trash (but LOTS of recycling).
Meeting Kate’s family.

An entire weekend of laughter.

No rain. The wedding on Saturday at the Codman Estate had to take place in the tiny carriage house due to a tornado warning and yesterday, the sky burst open less than five miles away. It did not rain on our parade.

Lowlights:
My hair—but I did not descend into self-hatred. I went on. However, look for evidence of a new do in the coming weeks.
The Bacchus statue. (Really NE Historic Society? If this statue couldn’t be moved, why was it not there when we visited the site multiple times?)

Special thanks to:
GianCarlo, Matthew, Anthony, Kate, and Annika for all of your hard work during the past three weeks.
Rachel Wilson (with assistance from Anthony Graves!) for keeping the food flowing during the reception.
Kim Knight and Sue Roper for all of the weeding, Costco runs, and generally amazing help you offered.
Photographer Hunter Thompson, of Vert Photography.

Steven and Sarah Vono for going out of your way to deliver the flowers.

Stephanie and Peter Choo for opening your studio to Kate and her bridesmaids.
Virginia Cannon for the beautiful flowers.
Joanne Turner for staying to help clean up and for the awesome photos.
Everyone who brought food.

Our fabulous musicians and vocalists, including Mardi Fuller, Cliff Chuang, and Bil Mooney-McCoy
Jim Coull for bringing the bride and groom home in style.

Nancy and Ron Hodgkins for loaning us everything we needed and their help with clean-up.
Tracey for trying to teach me how to do my hair. You gave it a good shot!
Laurie and Linda for bringing four cases of tomato pie.
Bethany Paquette for your graphic design work. You took everything up a notch!
Christopher for your steady support and for creating a home that has been good enough for our boys.
Jean and Erik Henriksen (and Ray and Jan) for your generosity and for raising such an amazing daughter.

Scroll back through my July and August feeds for more thoughts leading up to the wedding.

Thanks for visiting!