Traumatic experiences affect every aspect of life and all of our relationships— perhaps most notably our marriage.
It’s not a question of if you or your spouse have experienced trauma. It’s more a question of to what degree and have the two of you ever considered how past trauma might be affecting your marriage today.
My husband has vivid memories of his father’s explosive rage, which included spanking with a leather belt and embarrassing public outbursts. His father would express remorse after blowing up, but the outbursts persisted, often when least expected.
For the first ten years of our marriage, if anyone—including me—unexpectedly touched my husband from behind, he not only had a startle response but also would react with anger and then be overcome with shame.
It’s only in midlife that he has become aware that his out-of-proportion responses are deeply connected to the ways his father mistreated him and his siblings. We now understand how his father’s behavior was traumatizing and has affected our marriage and my husband’s parenting.
The aftereffects of trauma can present itself in a lot of different ways in marriage. Some common manifestations include:
- Nightmares or trouble sleeping
- Panic attacks
- Angry outbursts and/or a rapid escalation of emotions during arguments
- Severe depression
- Disinterest in sexual intimacy, or PTSD responses in the middle of sexual intimacy
- Disconnection and emotional withdrawal
To read the remainder of this article, head over to Fierce Marriage.