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Back in 1973, when I was 13, I opened the door to my bedroom to find a small, flower-covered box discreetly labeled with an unfamiliar word—KOTEX. Curious, I quickly opened it to discover several mysterious objects and a mini-pamphlet complete with frightening diagrams and instructions for how to use the enclosed products. There was no follow up conversation with mom. No explanation for how—or why—this box magically appeared on my dresser. And mine was not an isolated experience.

Forty years later, the First Moon ad appears on television and the internet, advertising the same products, but with slightly edgier marketing. In case you missed it, a young teen fakes her period and lies to her mom. Her infuriated mother attempts to get even by hosting an impromptu First Moon party complete with bobbing for ovaries (made one hundred times worse by the fact that it’s her grandfather who emerges from underwater with an ovary in his mouth), pin the pad on the period, talk of a vagina cake, and a uterus piñata. We’ve come a long way baby. Or have we?

Despite the fact that American culture has been mostly mute on this topic, to this day, various tribes and people groups bestow honor and blessings upon girls as they experience their first menses. The flow of blood symbolizes her transition to womanhood and all of the possibilities—and trials—that come along with this rite of passage. According to Dr. Christine Northrup,

“Many Navaho people still practice their puberty ritual for girls, the kinaalda. This is considered to be the most important of all their rituals because it brings new life to the tribe. In the month after a girl gets her first period, her entire extended family gathers together for a ceremony that takes place over four days. During this time the girl wears a traditional buckskin dress and her hair is braided in a special way. Each morning she gets up at sunrise and runs toward the rising sun. She is expected to run farther and faster each day. When she returns, an older female relative, taking the role of Ideal Woman, teaches her the Beauty Way, massages her body, and also instructs her in tribal wisdom about male-female relationships. Throughout the ceremony, the girl is expected to take on a new level of responsibility for herself and others.”

Our individualistic—and misogynistic—culture’s response to this key event pales in comparison. This week, I posted a survey on FaceBook titled Coming of Age in America. Only seven percent of the respondents were celebrated by one or both of their parents. A similar percentage received comprehensive information from an emotionally connected parent or relative. For most of us, the experience was a detached, clinical transfer of facts that left us confused, ashamed, frightened, grossed out, and/or embarrassed.

The meta message we all got was that having our period made us less than and therefore, needed to be concealed from others. This opposes God’s heart for us as women. One respondent summed it up when she wrote, “This kind of thing was simply not discussed in our house.” Because most of us lacked ongoing dialogue, we furtively asked questions in hushed voices at sleepovers or while we disrobed in the locker room. We gleaned whatever information we could from poorly done movies or awkward health class teachers.

And we often got it wrong. I remember my best friend calling me in tears—as a high school junior—when she realized that babies grew not in the stomach but in a mysterious organ called a uterus. One survey respondent admitted that because she feared using a tampon, she placed a sanitary napkin on her bathing suit and proceeded to go to swim practice. When she emerged from the pool, she was mortified at the bulging, dripping mass between her legs. Another thought the adhesive pads were to be used like a band-aid and stuck it to her genitals. Just imagine what that felt like to remove!

Young girls approaching this milestone need much more than a transfer of information. They need support, they need respect, and they need to understand how wonderful their bodies actually are. One woman wrote, “I think the biggest thing I hope to communicate to my daughter regarding her body is how miraculously we were created; the fact that we can create life, bring it forth into this world, and then sustain it for months and months is nothing short of a super power. I never want our capacity for that to be shortchanged.”

The First Moon ad certainly falls short of this goal. It takes what should be treated with great care and reduces it to a mockery. The disrespectful teen and spiteful mother (as well as clueless males) degrade and cheapen us as women. What the ad succeeds in doing—beside bringing this issue out of hiding—is to reveal the failure of our culture, including our churches, to navigate this topic in a dignified fashion.

The ad serves as a wake-up call for us as adults to accurately communicate what’s going on in a young girl’s body but to also help them recognize how amazing their bodies actually are. Years ago, one of our friends recounted his daughter’s coming of age story. She threw open the front door, dropped her books, and asked her father, “Where’s mom?” He knew something was troubling her so he asked, “What’s wrong?” She replied, “I got my period.” With that, he flung his arms around her and said, “Honey, go get changed. I’m taking you out to celebrate. You are a woman now and I want you to know how special you are to me.” When our friend told this story, I burst into tears. How I longed to have such a father! Many years later, I know that my heavenly Father felt that love, pride, and joy when I got my first period. Let’s figure out—as a culture and as a church—how we can celebrate our daughters’ first menses with dignity.

Thanks for reading.

 

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