Creating and sustaining a healthy marriage is simultaneously one of the most wonderful and most challenging endeavors I have ever embarked upon. Wonderful in that I am able to share my life with a godly man who loves me. After twenty-five years together, we have created a sanctuary of trust and respect. But, this has not come without struggle.

Anyone who knows us will confirm, we are both strong-willed and stubborn. We also seem to have opinions about, well, almost everything: from where the Christmas tree should go, to how to make a book trailer video (see below), to how to save for retirement. (As of this point, we can only retire for six months. You should not come to us for financial advice.)

Our opinionatedness has resulted in more than a little conflict. While most of these conflicts have emerged due to your garden variety difference of opinion, sometimes they reflect core values or long-held expectations that neither of us even realize we carry until the other person dashes the expectation.

Take home repairs. My father could fix anything. His basement workbench looked like a Sears’ Crafstman catalogue. Fixing things was fun for him. In fact, I think he preferred solving mechanical problems to solving people problems. I entered into marriage thinking that all men were like my dad—knowing the difference between a socket wrench and an Allen wrench and relishing the opportunity to spend an afternoon using said tools.

Christopher’s father was cut from different cloth. He occasionally embarked upon repairs or minor construction projects but they were always punctuated by lots of swearing in Italian. You, reader, might be able to see the speed bump that waited to scrape our undercarriage but oddly, we did not.

During the first few years of our marriage, I was shocked to discover that Christopher found no joy or excitement when the oil needed to be changed or the heater’s fan belt needed to be replaced. He’s an incredibly talented and competent man. He can sing in front of thousands of people, lead a group discussion on the most polemic subject known to mankind, or teach middle school students to perform Shakespeare. However, he gets seized with panic and self-doubt if an appliance stops working.

These scenarios were difficult for us. They sometimes became power struggles with each of us trying to change the other person (which never works by the way). It took years to learn this:

When expectations meet limitations, disappointment often results.

Learning how to navigate disappointment within marriage takes time and effort. We have to be willing to lay down our agendas and love wholeheartedly even when we don’t feel like it. In our pursuit of a healthy marriage, we’ve leaned on friends, spent time with counselors, prayed, read lots of books, and gone to marriage conferences. I’ll condense 25 years of learning into a single sentence for you:

There’s no shame in needing a little help from time to time.

I’m hoping Making Marriage Beautiful will provide a little help. It’s not going to solve every problem, teach you how to reform your spouse, or offer ten tips to a terrific marriage. My goal was not to provide a how to. Instead, I wanted to vulnerably share our journey in the hope that it would encourage and inspire you to make your marriage vibrant, joyful, and intimate.

The book is available for pre-order from Amazon and Christian Book Distributors. It should be on the shelves at Barnes and Noble as of January 1.

By sharing this post, subscribing to my blog, or posting a photo of yourself with the book on social media (make sure you tag me!), you will be entered in a drawing to win a free autographed copy of the book and custom mug.

Here’s the book trailer shot by my son GianCarlo and edited by Jonathan Marasco.

Thanks for stopping by.

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