As my son and I packed up old home schooling books and projects this week, my heart grew wistful for the decade we spent teaching our boys at home. Within a few days, many of us will send our children out the door into another’s domain, releasing them to competent and caring adults who will shepherd them through the process of learning. You, however, have made the radical and seldom understood choice to trust your inner compass and go it alone. Because I know that sometimes you lose perspective, I would like to share some thoughts.

1. Enjoy this gift and try not to take it for granted. I cannot articulate how deeply blessed we all were by our decade at home. In this rapidly changing world, jobs disappear, economic hardships join you at the dinner table, and circumstances sometimes force you to make choices you would prefer not to make. Home schooling is a privilege that many do not have. As such, try to begin each day with a heart filled with gratitude for your children and for the opportunity you have to go this route.

2. When someone asks the inane question, “But what about socialization?” take a deep breath and consider responding as follows; “Thank you for bringing this up. We have actually thought a great deal about socializing our children and believe that this is every bit as important as the academic component of formal school. In fact, the negative peer pressure in school contributed to our choice to school them at home. Further, we believe that if a parent is well socialized, the child will inevitably become competent in relating to others. Wouldn’t you agree?” Works like a charm. I’ve never had a comeback to this. (Alternatively, you could simply say, “Surely you could be more curious about why we do what we do.”)

3. Ask for help–as often as you need it. Really. We are all limited people. Humbly asking for help when we run into those limitations demonstrates wisdom, not weakness. When folks learned that I taught my boys at home, they often replied, “I could never home school my kids.” I wanted to counter, “Of course you could. You simply would need to submit to the process of transformation that this requires of you, which includes confessing pride and asking for help on a regular basis.” When you do ask, not everyone will respond the way you want, but by admitting our need, we demonstrate to our kids that self-sufficiency is not a valid option.

4. Try to resist evaluating yourself, at least on a regular basis. On those days when the best math lesson you can pull off is making cookies (I know–all those fractions!), remember that teachers who get paid for a living sometimes have off days too.

5. Set wise and realistic expectations for your schooling. On those days when you feel like your local superintendent was onto something when he questioned your qualifications to teach your own kids, just remember that the relationships you develop with your children are every bit as important as your academic progress. When you notice that your voice has been screechy all day or that you depend upon shame too frequently, hit the pause button. See if you can determine what’s going on. Are you expecting too much of yourself or from your kids? Did you mistakenly plan a 9th grade biology lesson when your oldest is only nine years old? Setting expectations for yourself and for your kids will benefit all of you. And don’t think twice about spending two hours reading with them or piling in the car and heading out for an impromptu day trip, even if you did plan a kicking biology lesson. Second guessing wastes much needed energy. Stay focused on what you decided to do and re-evaluate at the end of the year. Our main goal was to teach our boys to love to learn. Provided that we avoided grammar, I think we succeeded.

6. Apologize when you need to. Children are quick to forgive. (Read my treatise on how to apologize well.)

7. Please don’t home school because you feel like you are supposed or if you actually hate it. It’s simply too demanding. When we were in year number two of our bold experiment, we ran into a family who had been schooling their five children for more than a decade. I asked, “What advice would you like to give us? He responded, “Get out of it as fast as you can.” I wanted to get out of that conversation as fast as I could! There are geographic pockets which apply unrelenting pressure to teach at home, perhaps particularly within faith communities. God will not think less of you if you decide to put your kids in public school and go to work or use that time for other purposes.

All three of our sons have done remarkably well in public school. They don’t sit alone in the lunchroom, dominate their classes, or make fools of themselves. In fact, the feedback we often hear is, “Really? You were home schooled? Most home schooled kids are so weird.” Take heart as you embark upon another year of pouring yourselves into your sons and daughters. Remember the foundations you are building will help to establish them for the remainder of their lives. May God richly bless you as you enter another year!